When I grow up I’m going to be demure
I’m gonna Tee Hee instead of guffaw
I’ll quite screaming at the TV during a game
And I’ll sit quietly like a proper dame

When I grow up I’ll not tell jokes
Or do my imitations of a frog croaking
I’ll reframe from yelling at a stupid driver
And when someone pisses me off, I’ll just smile

When I grow up I’ll be so proper
A transformation from funny to boring
I’ll read Cosmo instead of Road and Driver
And I’ll eat my fried chicken with a fork

Well, maybe not that

When I grow up I’ll wear shoes in the house
I’ll listen to the Metropolitan instead of the opera
Gonna replace Charlie Daniels picture with Pavarotti’s
I’ll drink wine in a stemmed glass instead of beer in a bottle

After writing this song
I think I’ll be like Peter Pan
And never grow old